I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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