I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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