We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
