You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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