Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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