I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
high people should be assigned attendants
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
