He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
