Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
