dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
