...so i touched it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
