I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
