Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
