he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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