Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
