Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Panties = found
Randomize
