My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
How does one acquire holy water?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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