Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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