Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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