It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
