You work out of a Hotel?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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