The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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