Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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