Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
