R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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