it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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