Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
