As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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