Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
