whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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