no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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