Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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