I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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