We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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