i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
