I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
