i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
