The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
