Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
