where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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