i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
