chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
