Nicole vs. Life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
