apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
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I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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