who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
