I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
