bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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