But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
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and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.