There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
