I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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