i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
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