i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.