If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
