Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
