If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
