i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
