She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
