I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
