Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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