Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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