fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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