tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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