the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.