my phone needs a breathalizer
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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