he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb