u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
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Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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