Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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