so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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