If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
