whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
