oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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