I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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