Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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