Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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