Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
