Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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